Tuesday :O...lol

 

Hi guys hope ur weekend was cool :)...mine was terrifically bad…had loads of issues and came out from them with the help of some friends…and want to take up a point from keshi’s list of renewing things..and the point is Will not complain about Blogville dramas and all that crap..due to the issues on Saturday I called up A and had a long chat to clear up my mind she suggested me to go to a movie or read ..So on Sunday had some  time pass with a movie in club …put up in the home theater …and guess what movie it might be …lol..Jurassic Park…and The Dark Knight (lol I have the screener downloaded so I have the copy :P) ..and had some fun as there wer some kids as well there :)…they too had more fun than I expected …full popcorn time :P… and Monday mornin wen i opened y's blog she put thanks to me and good words u can see it here  thnks Y u made my day and in the afternoon I went to book store named (secret) hahah… then I went in saw some new releases and found some book on poems and started reading it so to pass some time…then a gal came asked me if she could assist me in any means( I dint remember wat book A suggested me ) so I just remembered Tuesday so the conversation took like this…

 

Me: ( seriously reading the book)

The gal: Sir can I help u to find anything of ur interest

Me: hi  u just surprised me there..:)…do u have anything on Tuesday (the Santa Banta type question :P)..

The gal: sure sir let me find out(she goes away to the counter )

Me: ( continuing reading the book with my nose in it )…

The gal: srry sir we don’t have anything on Tuesday…(she was abt to say something I interrupted)

Me: ha it’s ok no problem..

The gal: Sir,there is nothing on Tuesday but we may have special discount on Thursday the 2^nd October as its Gandhi ceremony …

Me: (wat the hell) wat I dint get u ..can u come again..

The gal: Sir,u wer asking if there was any discount on the Tuesday that is tmmr ..

Me: rotfl (hahahahahaha) (haahahaha I cud not stop laughing until the store manager came to me…)

Manager :sir is there a problem..

Me: (dude yes I am having tickles in me) nothing man there was confusion that I asked a book which started with the name Tuesday and she misunderstood me to be asking for some discount or offers on Tuesday … hahah…nothing a prob…I should have had been clear …:P (the sardar situation arises for me  :P hemu the sardar lol…)

 

Manager : Sir srry for the situation ..i wud check it out and wud give u the details wen u arrive at the counter …:)

Then I Went to the counter and checked with the guy and the book name was actually Tuesday’s with Morrie  and it was not available at the moment it will be arriving on Friday …I paid the money and left out still laughing out with the sardar moment :P..hahaha..

give me a break (y billgates want to sell Microsoft)

Why Bill Gates Wants to Sell Microsoft?

Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft


Subject: Problems with my new computer


Dear Mr. Bill Gates,


We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.


1. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.


2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.


3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.


4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.


5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?


6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?


7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.


8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.


9. You provided "My Recent Documents". When you will provide "My Past Documents"?


10. You provide "My Network Places". For God sake please do not provide "My Secret Places". I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,

Banta

Last one from me to Mr Bill Gates :

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

Joke............

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.....

On his first day, he dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone:

"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded:

"You fool; you've dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"

"No" replied the trainee.

"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"

The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"

"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.

"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put the phone down.....

give me a break(Modern Panchtantra Story)

Once upon a time

, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood

( the woodcutter and the axe )

He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "

Is this your computer ?

" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.

Annoyed, the engineer said "

No, not at all !!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.

The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a genius than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

give me a break(General Knowledge)

During work, Raman and Narayan were chatting:


Raman: Narain, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.


Narayan: oh! Raman: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?


Narayan: No


Raman: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night Courses you would know this.


The next day, the same discussion took place:


Raman: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?


Narayan: No


Raman: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.


The next day, once again:


Raman: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?


Narayan: No


Raman: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.


This time, Narayan got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is Balakrishnan Kuppuswamy?


Raman: No


Narayan: He's the guy roaming with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know.

give me a break (Love VS Arranged Marriage)

Love Marriage VS Arranged Marriage - The IT Perspective

Love Marriage: Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.

Arranged Marriage: Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The main object is fixed and various functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.

Love Marriage: It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.

Arranged Marriage: Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible.

Love Marriage: Family system hangs because hardware called parents are not responding.

Arranged Marriage: Compatible with hardware Parents.

Love Marriage: You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.

Arranged Marriage: You are a team member under project leader parents so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.

Love Marriage: Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.

Arranged Marriage: All these features are covered in the SRS as required features.

Love Marriage: Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.

Arranged Marriage: Product is sold on an as is where is basis. Product once sold will not be taken back!

JokEs foR U On the FoOls dAy

Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read "Padne waala gadha."(one who reads it is an ass.) Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,"Likhne waala gadha."(One who wrote it is an ass).

.......... Everybody knows the famous under creek/sea tunnel joining England and France. Before it's construction, the tenders were invited from various construction companies by giving newspaper ads throughout the world. Banta Singh came across one such ad and he decided to fill the tender. On the day of opening the tenders everybody was surprised to find Banta Singh's tender at it's very lowest. Other tenders were quoting billions of pounds, Banta Sing had offered to do the job for just 10000 pounds. Now , as per the rule Banta was to get the contract. Before giving works order to Banta Singh, the officer asked BantaSingh as to how he could afford to work at such a low budget. Banta Singh said,"look, back home, there is my brother, Santa Singh.I will call him here. We will take two shovels. I will start diging from English bank and Santa Singh will start digging from French bank. The moment we meet, you get a tunnel." The dumbstruck officer asked with courage," and if you don't meet?" Banta Singh replied," then you will get two tunnels in same cost."

Once Santa Singh and Banta Singh were going in a jungle, Suddenly they saw one tiger comming towards them. To save themselves they climbed a tree and both sat on one branch. The tiger came under the tree and sat down. Santa told Banta " Yaar just to pass Time Why don't you sing some song" Banta Singh started to sing. After singing four songs Banta hanged upside down on the branch and then again sung four songs. After singing all the songs he Banta came back to his original position. Santa asked curiosly "Yaar Bantya, You sung four songs sitting in upright position and next four songs you sat upside down, Why did you do that?" Banta told " Yaar First four songs were from side A and the other four were from Side B"

Santa Singh told his wife that after his death she should marry Banta Singh. "But why should I marry Banta who is your enemy no 1" enquired his wife. Santa quipped, "Oh Darling, this is the only way I can take my revenge from that useless fellow. Ha! Ha! Ha!!

Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put up such misleading notices,"said Banta Singh." It said , "FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

Resignation Letter

A Boss looking through his Mail Box was astonished to see a mail from an Employee who was supposed to be busy working at Client side on a critical project. It had the subject - "TaTa - Bye Bye". With the worst premonition he opened the mail and read the content with trembling hands:-

Dear Sir,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving the job. The offer was too lucrative and attractive for me to turn down. I had to abscond because I wanted to avoid a scene with the HR and you. I am sorry but I had no choice.

The project is working fine. There are only 108 issues pending, out of which only 38% issues are High Priority. Hence I am sure there is no need to worry about. The next Phase of major enhancements I have been working upon, have been completed halfway. I am sure the new person who would replace me would not understand what all I had done so far. Hence, for his and your convenience, I have taken care to remove all the work that I had been doing this far for nearly 3 months now. I am sure you will appreciate my insight and "big heart".

I am of course retaining the Originals that I had retrieved for the purpose of Passport verification with me, considering it as a parting gift from you. Of course, I will not pay the bond amount that I owe the company (since I Am breaking the bond). But I will consider this as a parting gift from our Dear company. I moving out of town since the new company is situated in another City.

Also, I have changed my contact number. So you will not be able to get in touch with me, to congratulate me. But I know your blessings are always with me. Last but not the least. I also have the Rs 12000 entrusted to me by our company's cultural events group, for the upcoming movie event. I am sure you would have wanted me to keep it with myself as an added bonus from our company. I respect you very much, hence your wish is my command.

Don't worry sir. I am 2 years experienced now, learning so much from your company. So I will surely use this knowledge to write better programs for the new company. Someday I'm sure we will meet sometime in the future. If you wish, I will surely be glad to give my employee reference for you to apply for a job in the new company which I am joining.

Your faithful employee,

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PS".

Hands still trembling, the Boss read:

PS: Dearest Boss, none of the above is true. I'm am still busy working at client side. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my "Request to reconsider my Salary Appraisal" attached with this mail. Please approve it and call when it is safe for me to come to our Office to discuss this.

My respect and Best Regards to you!

Software Nuvvu Naaku Nachchav

దేవుడా
చెప్పుకోవడానికి JOB ఇచ్చావ్
చూపించటానికి ID CARD ఇచ్చావ్
Free గా ICICI ACCOUNT ఇచ్చావ్
Every month SALARY ఇచ్చావ్

దేవుడా ,
కూర్చోవటానికి KURCHI ఇచ్చావ్,
ఉండటానికి CUBICLE ఇచ్చావ్,
Mails check చేయటానికి SYSTEM ఇచ్చావ్,
Chatting కి COMMUNICATOR ఇచ్చావ్,

దేవుడా ,
ఖాళిగా ఉంటే CCD ఇచ్చావ్,
Time pass కోసం TERMINAL ఇచ్చావ్,
Lunch కోసం LOTUS ఇచ్చావ్,
Punch కోసం BEACH కూడా ఇచ్చావ్,

కాని ,,,
ఎందుకు నన్ను BENCH మీద ఉంచావ్,
అందుకే నువ్వు నాకు నచ్చావ్ …
నచ్చావ్ …. నచ్చావ్ .. అంతే

give me a break (Software Pokiri)

CONCEPT:::If we assume POKIRI as SOFTWARE ENGINEER......

SCENE 1:
Mana Banda Pokiri Internet center lo Software Companies ki Resume upload chestunnadu.

Intalo A-Z software company Team Leader vachi..........ika chadavandi.........

Team Leader: ఇక్కడ బండ గాడు ఎవడ్రా ?

Banda : ఎవ్వడు ENTER
కొడి Programme Compile చెయ్యకుండా కూడా RUN అవ్వుతుందో వాడే "బండ"

(ఇంతలోకి Project leader CALL LETTER చూపించి కాలర్ పట్టుకుని "చల్ చల్ భే !" )

SCENE 2:

INTERVIEW WITH BOSS
Boss : మా కోసం పని చేస్తావా ?
Banda :నేను ఎవ్వడి
కింద పని చెయ్యను , నాదంతా కాంట్రాక్టు పద్దతి...పని ఏంటో చెప్పు
! నీకెంత? ... నాకెంత ?

Boss : ఇంతక ముందు లాగా కాదు ! client అంటే
భయం వుండకూడదు !
Banda :నీకు వాళ్ళంటే భయం , అందుకే వాళ్ళ పేరు
చెబుతున్నావ్

Boss : అంతే కాదు JOB guarantee గురించి భయం వుండకూడదు.

(project leader ని point outచేసి ) వీడు ఎవడు ?

Boss : PL మన Project Leader.

Banda: (PL ని ఒక్కటి పీకి ) మీ కంపెనీ కి వచ్చి మీ PL ని
కొట్టా .నన్ను ఈ Project లో నుంచి తీసి వెయ్యటం చాలా ఈజీ .....
నాకు job guarantee గురించి భయం లేదు అని చెప్పటానికి ఈ పని చేశా !
వీడినే ఎందుకు కొట్టాను అంటే , ఇందాక నన్ను కొంచెం wrong గా
handle చేసాడు.. call letter చూపించి experience వుందా అని అడిగాడు (PL తో) ఇంకెప్పుడు
అలా అడక్కే !!

SCENE 3:
(Boss బండ కి LAPTOP ఇచ్చాడు ,
వెంటనే బండ ON చేసి ENTER కొట్టాడు, Programme Run aiendi )

Boss : LAPTOP బాగా
అలవాటా ! ENTER KEY వెతుక్కోకుండా కొట్టావ్ !!Banda :HARDWARE షాప్ లు చూడలేదా ఏంటి?
(మన బండ ఇంతక ముందు hardware shops లో రిపేర్ laptop లు
తుడిచే వాడు)Boss :వీడికి కొంచెం KEYBOARD knowledge ఎక్కువ లా వుంది ! WORD documents రాయించాలి
(Tech Docs,TDs,CDs etc.)
LADY HR: మనకి కావలిసింది కూడా అదే

just for fun

A MBA and a BE go on a camping trip, set up their tent ,and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend. "
look up at the sky and tell me what you see." The MBA replies, "I see
millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies

and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and
we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".

" ENGINEERING = 100% COMMON SENSE "

give me a break (that's life)

God created the donkey

and said to him. "You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years." The donkey answered: "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"God granted his wish.

God created the dog

and said to him: "You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.You will be a dog. " The dog answered: "Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years. " God granted his wish.

God created the monkey

and said to him: "You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. " The monkey answered: "To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years." God granted his wish.

Finally God created man ...

and said to him: "You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth. You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years." Man responded: "Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused." God granted man's wish

And since then, man lives 20 years as a man , marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back. Then when his children are grown, he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren. That's Life. Is'nt it ??????????